I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
