Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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