Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
