So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
