the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize