fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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