It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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