started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
