From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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