Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
