I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
