I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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