this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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