I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Randomize
