just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
