can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
