So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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