Whod you bang
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
