you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You can't just leave with hair like that
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
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