I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
