I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
