my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
