We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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