So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
