so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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