In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
