So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
