Tell her she can't have a vagina
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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