quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize