just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
