He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize