I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Randomize
