We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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