Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
