new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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