dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
