Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
