i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
