Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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