Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize