***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
