Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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