Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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