The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Everyone says I win the strip club
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
