I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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