Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
