Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
literally had 100 drinks last night.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
