i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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