And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
