ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
