she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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