So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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