this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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