It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
