I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Randomize
