Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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