I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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