Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
