alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Randomize
