For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
They took my balls.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
