Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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