Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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