Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
