I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize
