He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
