She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
