I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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