yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
